Thursday, December 18, 2008

And We're Publishing Poetry, Too!

We just got this email!

Congratulations! AVQ will be publishing Air, Light, and Water in New York City and The Poet at Seventeen in our upcoming issue. Look for it Sunday, December 21st.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

A Letter to Publix

Dear Publix,


    While I appreciate the concept of the Express Lane, you are failing in execution. If this were Top Chef, I would tell you to pack your knives and go. I commend you for giving the retardos mentally challenged jobs, but I don't understand why you assign your dumber than Sarah Palin slowest employees to the express lane. I'd like to inform you that some people only buy ten essential items b/c they are in a rush. So while you may call it the Express Lane, assigning the retardos handicapable to those 2 lanes, and enforcing the ten items rule as much as the police in Amsterdam enforce the illegalities of certain drugs totally negates your efforts.

That's not all, Publix. I know times are tough but your produce lately has been atrocious. I have come home with garlic that has green shoots inside when chopped, have been unable to buy cut watermelon because it's all watery and mushy, and Vidalia onions that looked fine but when cut into had blue and green mold inside. I have also unwittingly bought sliced bread that had a crescent shaped cut through each and every piece that made it flap and flop around like something the blog Nazis my relatives who shall remain anonymous would call and yell at me if I wrote.

And is it too much to ask that you once in a while put steak on sale that isn't so old it remembers where it was when J.F.K was shot? Also, you should know that your prices are way higher than other grocery store chains, like Big Y, Stop & Shop, and Kroger's to name a few. Maybe you should send a team to do some reconnaissance at those stores.

You really need to enforce the no tipping policy you supposedly have for the baggers that insist on pushing my cart out. I cannot tell you how many times one of your baggers has grabbed my cart and practically ran with it out the door, then gave me a look like my dogs would if I had a pork chop on a string around my neck. I had no problem pushing my cart around the store did I? I don't see anyone running up and grabbing my cart while I am shopping, no matter how full it is. And now I have to tip these people or else they will just stand there with that face and stand behind my car so I can't pull out without hitting them. You've got to raise their hourly wages and/or or stop hiring convicted felons because even if they have to get run over, your rabid baggers are determined to get money out of people no matter how. I mean, I'm running out of places to hide the bodies shop! If I could afford it, I would be at Fresh Markup, but alas, it looks like we are stuck with each other for now.

On a lighter note, I quite enjoy your holiday commercials. They make me cry. But since you suck so much in every other way I wonder if that's because I'm pregnant *shudders* or hopefully just have The PMS. Please look at the envelope for my address in case you realize I totally deserve $$$$ and/or free groceries (including wine and beauty products) for the rest of my life for all the trauma you have caused my fragile soul.





Sunday, December 14, 2008

It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Chrismakkuh!

First of all, a good Chrismakkkuh Tree must be fake. Who wants to shlep home a dog piss magnet while scratching their nice car? Oh yeah! That's what my Goy husband is for! This year we, like a bride, have something old, something new, something borrowed and something blue on our Tree. I swear it wasn't planned – excluding the blue!

The tree, like an interfaith wedding I guess, blends traditions from each of our religions.


Blue Balls: A tribe tradition! Though it would be more fitting if they were broken. Ironically enough, I actually did break a blue ball yesterday, but failed to catch it on camera since I was a bit more concerned about glass in puppy paws.

My husbands letter to Santa:

And lots of ornaments representing things I just can't get enough of. Ever:

My babies like to sit under the tree:


And here's what I'll be getting this year for Hannukah:



I figured out the striky thingy all on my own! Happy Holidays!

Saturday, December 13, 2008

BohoPoet Girl Goes Meme While Decorating the Chrismukkah Tree ( More About That Tomorrow)

I have never done a Meme before,but Tere of A Mom, a Blog, and the Life in Between does them all the time so I decide to copy the lastest one and fill it in for tonight's post.

I consider googling it so I can get the exact origin of the phrase. I mean is it because it's about Me Me? Or a Memoir about Me? Me Memories? Off to googlesearch now.
"The lack of a consistent, rigorous definition of what precisely a meme is remains one of the principal criticisms leveled at memetics, the study of memes."

Then I realize I'm the only one confused, all you innernets probably know exactly what it is. So here goes:

My Ex Was: Not boring.

Maybe I Should: Write more, submit more, dream more, and analyze myself less.

I Don't Understand: A lot of things, but mainly, why I can't quit you!

People Would Say that Im: A free spirit

I lost my: Blue camera I bought to replace the cheaper older black one I had and then found the black one.

Love is: Not always enough.

Somewhere, someone is: Still mad at me.

I will always: Hope.

Forever is: How long it's going to take me to become the writer I want to be.

I never want to: Eat any sort of sea meat.

I think the current president: Is a mega douchebag and has an IQ of -75.

When I wake up in the morning: I feel tired and want more sleep unless I've nowhere to go. Then I'm wide awake.

Life is full of: Liminol moments.

My past is: what got me here.

I get annoyed when: People are slow to drive, speak, forgive, or get going.

Parties are for: "Sharing a drink they call loneliness, but it's better than drinking alone."- Billy Joel

I wish: I was a little bit taller, I wish I was a baller....But seriously, I wish I were spending NY Eve with Anna.

My dogs are: the cutest and weirdest little beings I have ever loved.

My cat is: Now my sisters cat. But we had a hell of a time, her and I.

Kisses are the worst: When the kisser has the breath. Just come smell Lucky "Baby Fish Mouth" Or Nico, Nico, Poopy eater.

Tomorrow I'm going to: mop the floor, read a book by Paulo Coelho, finish my Chrismakkuh decorating, cook, plan my week, finish the laundry, write a blog post, and spend entirely too much time online.

I really want to: Publish more.

I have low tolerance for people: who are Judgy Judgertons.

If I had a million dollars: Oh the places I would go! I'd have a new Louis laptop case in my hand, and Christian Leboutoin shoes, I could steer myself any direction I choose!

Goodnight Mooners!

Friday, December 12, 2008

Personal Service Announcement ( Becca talks about BohoPoetGirl)

It has come to my attention that a lot of people just don't get it, this blogging thing. Or the writing thing - which is odd because I doubt you all thought Good in Bed by Jennifer Weiner was an autobiography, and yet, here I am, finding my back against the wall yet again with claims I'm embarrassing myself. This is not myself. This is a tiny piece of my personality, exaggerated into a fictional character. Reference my blogroll to sex and the beach if you want to make an attempt to understand what I am talking about. Is Maria De Los Angeles Manola Blahblahblahnick? Hell no! Is she a damn good writer who makes me laugh? Hell yes! Does she agree with plenty of what Manola says, sure! But it doesn't make it HER. I'm trying to find the humor in what I see around me. This blogging thing is my living breathing portfolio. If I wrote about things how they actually happened, you would understand that you'd much rather read about BohoPoetGirl. And I'd much rather write about her. What is fact and what is fiction? Exactly the point. I'll never tell. So if you can't take the heat, get the hell out of Blue Moon Over Miami! Now you've been warned. If anyone brings this up EVER again, I will simply reference you again to this blog post. Perhaps copy it into an email. Esta Todo.

And with that, I wish you all a good evening. I might attend Maria streaming live tomorrow night from her new blog, which she did not bring Manola too btw.

You didn't actually think I drained my pool with a saucepot, or at all, did you??


BohoPoetGirl was just nominated for a content award in the humor category for being a "Hilarious blogger" and "Fab Writer." To those of you that get it, know you are who I am writing for, and why I will never stop writing.

Monday, December 1, 2008

On my morning walk

Crossing past Barry I literally stumbled into something carved into the sidewalk. I turned around to read it and it said;

"God is real. He love you."

Sounds like G^d needs some grammar lessons, huh?

I'm available.

Thursday, November 27, 2008

ThanksGiving for 2 (+3 dogs) Part Two

I am soooooo full! I continued my holiday tradition of making mostly recipes I've never made before. For the innernet recipes, the only change I made was add 4 tbsp 1/2 & 1/2 to the soup, which is incredibly yummy. My mashed potatoes follow:

Becca's Mashed Potatoes

3-4 larges Idaho potatoes
cream cheese
1/2 & 1/2
sour cream
fresh ground pepper blend
tastefully simple's garlic garlic seasoning ( 1 tbsp for 3 lg potatoes) or a few oven roasted cloves.

Peel potatoes and cut into large chunks, then place in half full medium size pot. Let sit a few hours. turn water on high and bring to a boil. Turn down to medium and boil until fork-tender. Drain into colandar, then put back into warm pot. Add 4 tbsp butter, 4 tbsp sour cream, 1 tbsp garlic garlic, 3 splashes 1/2 &1/2 and 3 tbsp cream cheese. Mash with potato masher and then blend with immersion blender or hand mixer or fork until they are as smooth as you want them. Enjoy!

As for the chocolate cream pie, it's the simplest thing in the universe; make some chocolate pudding according to box instructions. Put in fridge to set. Make a graham cracker crust according to graham cracker crumb box instructions. Put in fridge. When you are almost ready to have dessert, mix one container cool whip with the pudding and pour into pie shell. Et Voila!

And here are the pictures to prove it.

Butternut Squash For Soup:

The "roux" for the soup

All Together now and ready to eat after being blended

Green Bean Casserole

Turkey Rolls

I can Mash Potato

And of course, My Big Bad Bloody Mary for Richy:

Start with a cocktail shaker full of ice and add:
3 Oz Grey Goose
2 splashes worcesteshire
2 squirts lemon juice
2 huge green olives
3 drops siracha sauce
2 tsp white horseradish
lots of fresh ground pepper
sea salt to taste
fill with tomato juice.
shake it like a polaroid picture.

Pour into snowman glass, garnish with celery and olives and serve. Pour yourself a glass of red b/c you don't like these drinks, but they make Richy sleepy so you can watch whatever you want onthe big Tv and that is something to be thankful for!

As for the chocolate cream pie. I'm too full and tired....We'll have that tonight as we just had dessert of a very different nature ;)

Here is a picture of Nico post- 1st feast:

And with that, blogger, I'm about five words away from doing a face-plant into my laptop.. Goodnight.

ThanksGiving for 2 (+3 dogs)

here's the menu

Butternut Squash Soup
Turkey breast rolled around stuffing
Mashed Potatoes
Green Bean Casserole
Cranberry Sauce
Chocolate Cream Pie

I'll add recipes and pics later if you click on the soup, the turkey, and the casserole all those recipes are from the innernets.

And it's Nico's 1st Thanksgiving!!

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Sarah Cohen Goldstein from MidBeach - JAPerickelah for VP!

In yesterday's festivities and barrage of news coverage, a statistic caught my eye. It claimed that 95% of voting African Americans voted for Obama. All I could think about was the other 5%. I thought to myself, if a Jew was running for Pres or VP, it would be 100%. Then three terrifying words popped into my head. "Sarah Palin 2012."

I tried to think of the Jewish equivelent of Sarah, which is in the header. The thing is, sex and the beach already did it in video as a Cuban drug dealer Mom, Sarah Gonzalez (Here's Why) and with appropriate timing... Oh well..

Anyway, Sarah Cohen Goldstein is just another Cushman Mom in Dior at Epicure. Foreign policy, Hello she lives in My AAAAAhh Meeee? And her baby nurse is from Sweden. Her housekeeper is from Honduras. Her pool guy is Cuban. Her gardener is Mexican. Oy, her house is practically the U.N.!! She can take the heat too, literally, since she has to wear long skirts and long sleeves all the time. Spending? Maverick, Schmaverick, JAPerickelah... Sarah Cohen Goldstein will get a better deal!

So the question is, not to compare the president elect with Sarah Palin, but maybe to some African Americans( that 5%) his ideas rubbed them as wrong as her voice rubbed most of America?? Or is this five percent the SuperRichRepublicanElite? Is this five percent motivated by nothing but the fear of the phrase "Tax increases for the very wealthy?" I don't know, but I sure am curious.

And I wonder, would the Jewish community and religious leaders and the "ahem" Liberal Media Elite ( which are all Jews) urge us to vote for Sarah just because she is Jewish? Did that happen in the African American community? My friend Hansel who spent some time volunteering for Obama happens to think the NAACP comes and takes you away if you didn't vote for Obama. Since he is African American, he is allowed to say things like that, just like I can say that most Jewish women complain a lot.

Either way, I'll be watching for the SWAT teams.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

I Voted Today!!

It was nothing like I thought it would be. I arrived at ten-thirty and was done in fifteen minutes. When I was next up to vote, I got that "I'm in another dimension" feeling, and I almost shed a tear. I controlled myself however. I somehow got stuck with the world's crappiest privacy thingy. The left side kept falling down on my head every time I filled a bubble in. At one point I looked around to see if anyone was going to help me with the damn thing, but alas, I just kept on rebalancing it and bubbling away. So many amendments! Also, I think they should tell you if people are republicans or democrats every time. Obama/Biden, No on 2. That's what I went in there for, and that's what I did.

No matter what happens, I am happy today. (Hey Sarah Gonzalez) Here's Why...

George W. Bush will never, ever be our president again! Like EVER! If that man had half a brain it would be retarded...

Also, my IQ is 31 points higher than Sarah Palin's... Maybe I should be the next VP. Just not with any candidate who's party ends with "ublican".

It's Miami- Get Out There and Reggaeton the Vote!

Good Morning Voting Public!!!

I am getting ready to head off to the polls with No Reservations... You know, by Anthony Bourdain?
I have to admit something. This is the first time I have voted. I was eligible to vote in 2000 & 2004 but I was so, as Penn Badgley put it, "Politically apathetic" then. I didn't feel bad about it either - Both elections I lived in a state that's as blue as the winters are cold - Connecticut. I hated-hate-will always hate Bush. Like I've said before, the only Bush I trust is my own, and to be frank, I haven't had one of those since before he took office the first time. I have butterflies in my stomach, perhaps because it's my first date with the polls. Or possibly because I'm hungry. Either way, Obama just voted, so I better get a move on it.

Blogging Buzz

There's been some chatter about opening up a new blog just for my greys recaps. I know it's a good idea, but I haven't been blogging enough other stuff recently to justify starting a whole new blog. Anyone want to send me a Greys layout for the new blogger page and maybe a header too? OK, and maybe a name? As always, email is appreciated.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Weird Song Wednesday from the vault in my mind

I performed this song in the days when Britney and I looked more alike ( I was blonde, she wasn't fat) on a video that belongs to people I am no longer friends with.. who enjoy showing it to whoever they feel like.... How do I know this? I have been recognized more than once by random, random people in CT as that girl... You know, the one who dressed up in full Britney style get up - knee high boots, a corset, and a really short black skirt,(and yes, underwear) dramatically pulled a tapestry across a curtain rod and jumped down from a lofted bed to sing a song she wrote to the tune of Lucky about all the whorebags at UConn.... At least I used to think they were.... Compared to the men and women of Miami, they were frigid prudes.... End of disclaimer...

"Easy" to the tune of Lucky by Britney Spears

Early morning
she wakes up
with a kick, kick, kick out the door....
Last night's make-up.... wine stained smile
it's not to hard to be a whore ( baby)

Isn't she slutty, this typical girl???

And they say, she's so easy, she's a bike,
and they ride, ride, ride her through the nite
thinking, why the fuck does, this happen to me?
I don't want any... STDs

Lost in Alumni, just 18
and she feels like she's gonna throw up
and his hair is thinning but she keeps on sinning
So tell me, where did she wake up?

Isn't she loose as the Holland tunnel
and they say, she's so easy, the town bike
and they ride, ride, ride her through the nite
thinking, it is hurting, every time I pee
Oh crap I have an STD

Test results: and the winner is, Chlamydia!
I'm Joe Husky standing behind her at the school pharmacy
waiting to spread word of her affliction...

Oh my god, stock up on condoms!

Isn't she slutty, this cow-town bred girl?
She is so easy, and maybe she's Bi
If there's nothing, missing in her life
why does she fuck everyone in sight?

And they say, she's so easy, she's a bike
and they ride, ride ride her through the night
Thinking, I hope no one knows I had an STD
I still haven't finished the b-ball team.....

Monday, October 20, 2008

For my Friends When I'm Away (May 2000)

Regarding the above map in reference to my summer romance with Eli - I spent the first month as a counselor to spoiled slutty hellions. It was like living in a cabin full of myself at that age and it was TOUGH. ( Try sitting in on a meeting about how you let your 12 (but I'm almost 13!) year old camper out of your sight long enough for her to get caught blowing a counselor in training.) Um lets see, I was never there after they fell asleep and the brats weren't morons! Sneaking out to Eli's was easy - he lived in Boy teen village and I lived right across that small path in girls teen. When I went (read: it was mutual) to horseback second session, I lived over near the girls camp, in a staff cabin, past that tennis racket icon... That was what we call the walk of shame, getting caught walking around Lake Wendy in the morning... Luckily horseback staff started way before everyone else, so I usually just brought my work clothes and walked straight to the dining hall from his (literally) tent. At least it had a platform, which was quite useful for late night calls of the wild...
I thought it appropriate to start with some of the poems I copied into this journal from the kind of decrepit notebook only a writer could visualize... This is a fun poem I wrote when I was getting ready to leave for the hills of Georgia...

For My Friends While I'm Away (c)

Do some drugs
and think of me
bitching to bugs
in 110 degree
Georgia sun.
your laugh an echo in my head
I hope my girls don't wet the bed
and that there will be pot to smoke
that kosher food won't make me choke
So shake your head and roll your eyes
but if Orit can do it, so can I
So write me lots and party hard
We'll see if I'm the camp retard
That comes home from a hike to say;
" I lost only one camper, it's been a good day."
In ten short weeks I will return
Of course there'll be a joint to burn
Of course there'll be new boys to meet
preferably ones who eat cheese on meat.

Who was Bohopoet girl 8 years ago??


A childhood dream of mine was to have my very own study, one with floor to ceiling bookcases lining one wall. Now I do, complete with navy blue drapes, it's very own bathroom with light blue original tile, and a navy blue futon (if you hadn't noticed, blue is my very favorite color.) Among the books are the references any indigo must have; The only Astrology Book You Will Ever Need, Love Cards, Destiny Cards, Sextrology, and a Tarot Pack..... Also is the countless journals I have kept from the days before blogging and laptops... I just opened one up that Eli (more about him HERE sent me as a birthday present after the summer I spent in Georgia, and I just opened it.

I'm going through it now, and plan on posting some of my writing from that time, a time where my identity was a more than just part of a whole....A time when although I maybe have worshipped Bacchus and Venus more than I ought, I was who I was and you either loved me or hated me....And I truly believed it was your loss should you choose the later...

That's what's so weird about life. We spend so much of our carefree period bitching about our lack of freedom, about how great it will be to have a house and be able to come home or do whatever you wanted with little to no consequences....Now we look back and remember how life seemed spread out in front of us like a buffet of pick your dream or posion....I know it's not too late...All this writing, all these old journals, are letters to myself, written long ago

Saturday, October 18, 2008

What's Wrong With This Picture?

According to Yahoo News the most important news of the day is The Sun in England reporting that Madonna and Guy Ritchie have reached an agreement in their divorce settlement.

I would rather marvel over the fact that Madonna has had so much plastic surgery, she is starting to look like the lovechild of Micheal Jackson and Beyonce....

Quotes of The Day

Be Warned in Time, James,
and remain, as I do,
incomprehensible: to be
great is to be misunderstood.

- Oscar Wilde

A room without books is like a
body without a soul.

- unknown

Friday, October 17, 2008

Quote of the Day

I don't know a soul who's not been battered
Don't have a friend who feels at ease
Don't know a dream that's not been shattered
Or Driven to its knees

-Paul Simon

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Hey, Hey, It's GreysDay!!! And a guide to Message Board Speak

Waiting to see what my message board (MB) buddies have to say about tonight's Greys Episode. I might live blog it, I might go to a meeting instead... but the site is taking forever to load. I'm thinking I might check Television Without Pity (AKA TWOP in MB speak) to see what those girls have to say as well, since those boards are vigilant about going OT (Off-topic).

There used to be this awful troll (from wikipedia:"A troll is a user that repeatedly and intentionally breaches netiquette, often posting derogatory or otherwise inflammatory messages about sensitive topics in an established online community to bait users into responding, often starting flame wars" on there called PinkBallerina, and her and her kind kindof soured me on the MB's for a while.

Basic Forum Rules as Found on Wikipedia, with my input after each:

* No swearing or otherwise vulgar language
- Meredith is an ugly cunt, not going to fly she is just ugly and annoying... that is OK....I wish we got to see Derek's Penis is not cool, instead say you wish you got to see Derek full-frontal ( and he was in some soft core porn with Lisa Bonet for those hardcore Dr. Shepherd shippers.)

* No insulting or harassing fellow members

- Do I need to explain this, bitches??

* No advertising or spam

-There used to be this chick who came on the MB's all the time and all she would ever post was, hey, come check out my SUUUUUPER-COOL Greys site!!!! Here's the link!!! That's what that is. I think I may have harassed and insulted her swearing and using vulgar language. My bad. Especially since I myself have blogged about Greys and the MB and gone on to say come check out my blog, I wrote about you! And I might even do it again, but at least I know I'm doing wrong.

* No double posting
- Double posting is DUH. Don't do it, and edit it out if you do by mistake b/c the page is slow to load and you are impatient with your clicky finger.

* No multiple accounts
- Old Stinky Pinky, as I liked to call her, had many many names that were usually something disturbing since she was a grown woman, like ILIKELITTLEBOUYS or BarbiesRGreat. My favorite ever was "IMNOTPINKB" There were many threads where the school age children of the thread compared the personal details she would leak out in different names over time in different threads to prove it was her and she still would never cop.... Like these five users all live at their parents with five cats and don't drive. OK. Usually trolls will give themselves away because their incindiary accusations and awful grammar often remain the same.

* No links or information on warez or copyright infringing material
- I had to look up Warez on Wiki too, "it refers primarily to copyrighted works traded in violation of copyright law. The term generally refers to illegal releases by organized groups, as opposed to peer-to-peer file sharing between friends or large groups of people with similar interest using a darknet." ( OK, now have to look up Darknet: "a closed private network of computers used primarily for file sharing.")

* Do not resurrect dead threads
- NUBES ( Newbies to the MBs) do this all the time by mistake. They don't realize when there are too many pages to a given thread(topic)the posters there have started a new one so that people don't have to scroll through 45 pages to find what people are saying now. By resurrecting a dead thread you will confuse many people and generally mess up the order of things on the MB. Speculation and Discussion group ( where I went after the Great Spoiler Thread Split of 2007) has hundreds of threads to our name. When the board is hopping ( like it probably is now, since it's only 2 hours to McDreamy AND McSteamy and all those fabulous one liners) you won't notice if you were posting on thread 557 or 558 and if some nube messes things up you could be posting all by yourself in a totally different land. We call that Lost SeriouslyJan always has this happen to her. We say Jan is "Lost in the old thread again" and send someone to go find her.

I clicked off the other tab where I was waiting for the board to load in my Wiki-Zeal. OMG there is Jan now on Windows Live Messenger - I'm going to go see what she has to input into this post. Oh Jan got kicked off. That happens to her a lot too. The MB finally loaded and I have been off it so long I don't even remember who it was they called "McBadAss" in still pics for episode 5.06. Is that even tonight? Or are these girls, as always, famously ahead of themselves? I used to know everything that was going to happen on Greys before it did, and had usually watched the best bits of the epi (episode) in clips. I mean, what happens on Greys might be brain surgery, but figuring out what is going to happen on Greys? Not so much. Especially since we all paid in for Sides which are released bits of epi that are one time characters that need to be auditioned for, so these people that don't get the role or interns have access to these scenes and sell them to the people who just can't get enough. Names are always changed for the recurring characters, but like I said before, it's no Neurosurgery... Or even Cardio-Thorassic. Because it's an MB, the girls had to start a second site to talk about the sides because ABC is so not cool with that... In fact I think it's a bit illegal. (It wasn't me- I don't even have access to that site anymore, I swear~!)

here is a link to the general board on the ABC MB HERE

The last post is supposedly today, 11:10 pm. HUH? I don't know what time zones those weirdos are operating in at all, but it's about time to get ready for this meeting. BBL McReaders!!

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Why My Gay Friends Rock

This post is entirely inspired by White Dade. If you haven't read his blog yet, it's a must.

1. They don't hate me because of my tits, nor do they stare at them longingly when they think I'm not looking.

2. No one is ever going to accuse me of using them for anything.

3. They never judge you when you tell them about your sordid nights.

4. When they tell you look hot, girlfriend, they actually mean it.

5. They pretend to be straight for you when strange old men come up behind you at bars and try to grind with you.

6. They pick you up and take you to job interviews and it's not because of the possibility of getting laid, ever, unless it's by your hairdresser.

7. They have the best pot.

8. They tell you that you're hot enough to fuck even as a gay men ( Hansel I heart your forever for that one)

9. They never, ever, cockblock. If anything they cock-encourage.

10. They pick you up at 9 pm on a Tuesday because you are lonely and have no car and they can hear "The Real Housewives of Atlanta" in the background on the phone and it makes them incredibly nervous.

11. They destroyed that dirty video you made with them in the eighth grade because it didn't do anything for them. Even if their Dad still refers to you as "the dancer".

12. They can tell you "this shoe or that shoe" and you know it's not jealous sabatoge.

13. You've been borrowing clothes from them forever... why stop now?

14. They still pay when you go out with them.

15. They have amazing coffee table books; most notably The Big Penis Book... An absolute MUST SEE!

16. They like the same music. Fine I'll admit it. They like better music.

17. Eighties music doesn't make them run screaming.

18. They are much better huggers than women OR straight men you aren't interested in sleeping with.

19. You know when you're on the brink of a serious "I am invincible" spinout you can go out with them to a gay club and while you might get so drunk you urinate in your true religions and have to get driven home, sodden, by lesbians after losing them and falling on the dance floor fifty times, that at least you'll wake up not pregnant or with a disease.... at least pregnancy can always be gotten rid of... the herp is forever....and they will be there when you arrive shamefacedly to collect your car from valet the next morning and even invite you to the beach...

20. EYE CANDY.. there are a lot of hot gay men around here ladies.... and they don't mind if you look...

21. You can run around with your twins free as birds all day on their block of the beach and nobody will care except your clothes, who will appreciate your glorious lack of tan lines.

22. They always call when they say they will.

23. They always show up when they say they will.

24. They can appreciate the Adonis-like good looks of Jensen Ackles.
25. Because they swear the wallpaper on their IPhone is a picture of you and them, and not a picture of Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon.

26. Because they are at the door right now, all the way from Brickell.

Something I've Never Done Before

Is post lyrics to a song I didn't rewrite, but the actual lyrics of the artist. This song was my anthem during some dark times a year ago and it is my theme song again during the current situation... And so I post.

"Keep Breathing" By Ingrid Michaelson

The storm is coming but I don't mind.
People are dying, I close my blinds.

All that i know is I'm breathing now.

I want to change the world...instead I sleep.
I want to believe in more than you and me.

But all that I know is I'm breathing.
All i can do is keep breathing.
All we can do is keep breathing now.

All that I know is I'm breathing.
All I can do is keep breathing.
All we can do is keep breathing now.

All we can do is keep breathing
All we can do is keep breathing
All we can do is keep breathing
All we can do is keep breathing.
All we can do is keep breathing now.

I've Always Depended on the Kindness of Strangers

Rather than wait around for Hidden City to get out of work to drive me to publix, I walked. I walked to the library, returned Kitchen Confidential and checked out the incredibly apropros How Did I Get Here? by Barbara De Angelis. Then I walked to the bank to deposit a check so I can pay my electric bill before they shut me off. Of course I was 1 minute late so I had to deposit it in the ATM and wait till tomorrow to get the cash out to pay it but FPL is still powering things for now. Then I walked all the way to 90th and Biscayne to go to Publix. I live very close to Barry University to give you an approximation of distance. I got dog food and the ingredients to make chicken marsala, stuffed most of it in my Herve Chapelier bag I normally reserve for days on the beach, and slung a plastic publix bag over my shoulder as I began the trek home. I was at 103rd and 6th avenue when I felt like I must just sit and rest. But I kept walking. This isn't the gym, and I wasn't on a treadmill. This was life and I needed to get the fuck home and feed my dogs. I kept walking. Then, even though the end was roughly in sight, about 7 more blocks or so, the plastic bag was ripping something awful into my arm, sweat was rolling down my cleavage, and my tits kept trying to bounce themselves free of my bra and my hindsight-is-20/20-a-little-too-low-cut-for-walking-far shirt. They were pulling the same game on the way there but at least then I had hands to tuck them back in. A car pulled up next to me with an elderly woman inside. She had a strong accent that strangely enough was not Latin, but something like Polish or Russian, something that comforted me. She asked me if I needed a ride. I greatfully accepted. Violet lives right around the corner from where she picked me up, but said this to me that still gives me the chills remembering. "I see you and I am reminded of my friend. I don't know why but you just like her. I think if my friend walking with groceries and I think I must help."

Violet, thank you. You will never know how much that small act of kindness meant to me. I encourage you all to try being kind to strangers. The pureness of the act creates some sort of tap into the universal energy source for both giver and recipient. In unenlightened terms, it's a win-win....

My Blogger, Myself

I finally let myself cry. And it felt better than a xanax, than a bottle of wine, than getting off (ok,that's pushing it)...I let myself cry for five minutes and in that five minutes I realized that I'm never going to be on the streets, and I'm not going to die. And now I have decided to walk the 15 blocks to the bank and maybe the ten blocks further from there to publix. We will see how this little experiment turns out. I still cannot digest the idea of the bus. Five minutes of release is not going to take care of that just yet. And I do have things to look forward to. Like life. And there will be sunshine in bohopoetland again. And maybe, just maybe it will be better than it ever was before.

All By Myself, Part Two

Which brings us to Jesse. Jesse was the first guy I could ever talk to about poetry. He was an incredibly gifted poet, and while I would spout my dreams of being the next Maya Angelou, he wanted nothing more than to teach the literature he loved so much. I learned so much from him, but as the school year came to a close, we had the whole, where is this whole thing going anyway? talk and that was that with that. I moved home for the summer and few weeks found my friend Tim and I drunk and on xanax and in my bed. That lasted ten months, despite the fact he went to college in Baltimore, and despite the fact that because he was friends with Greg, he was constantly paranoid I would cheat on him. Ironically enough, I never did.

I dumped Tim in the spring and became so out of control it soon became imperative I get a boyfriend. This was the time period where I lost track of my "Number" and I still to this day am not quite sure what it is. Soon I found one, two actually; Cocaine and Colin. This lasted until one very nasty spring weekend senior year. The assholes at the college newspaper still have it in their online archives, and if you know my maiden name, I'm sure you've already read it.

I managed to get rid of Colin. But not my other lover. At this point it makes sense to mention that once when I was in Baltimore visiting Tim, a psychic on the street grabbed my hand and said, "This guy is not your soulmate, you will meet your soulmate in two years. This would be the March after I graduated college. I was still not quite done with my other lover and my life was pretty much unmanageable....The few months before I met Richy I wandered around like that duck in the childrens book... 'Are you my soulmate?"

Then I met Richy. He rescued me from everything....but I never really learned my lesson.

Which brings us to the now. The now that is too painful, too fresh, and too risky to discuss on the innnernets....

I end this post the way I began it. Alone, full of fear and anxiety. But as it was written in The Way of the Peaceful Warrior "We are here and it is now. Beyond that, all human knowledge is moonshine."

Shine on my darling readers. Thanks for being here, reinforcing the fact that my writing is the one thing no one can ever take away from me, and that no Lexus, Louis Bag, or $600 dinner could ever take the place of.

Still, Blue Moon Over My Mothers House just doesn't have the same ring to it.

Stop the World! I Want to Get Off!!!!

So, I'm going out of my mind. But the bitch keeps finding me. No car, no income, no husband, and I just ran out of dog food. The thought of taking the bus to publix fills my Gucci and Barton G's accustomed little heart with an anxiety so deep there is absolutely no where for it to go. Perhaps I'll start pacing around the pool again. That was a fun few hours yesterday. Or perhaps I'll continue to work on my sordid personal history....At least one thing is still free... And the jets in the pool are working just fine....

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

The Great Schlep

Hello Miami Obama Voting Jews!!!

Read this email from The Great Schlep and then join us this weekend!!!!

Hello Schleppers,

It's not too late to book your flight, bus, or carpool to Florida!

Many of you have told us you want to go to Florida but you do not have relatives there...Well we just found a perfect opportunity for everyone (with and without relatives in Florida)...

The Obama campaign is having their own Jewish outreach training this Friday (10.10) in Delray Beach. Schleppers and non-Schleppers are invited. Tell you friends and family in Florida (Miami-to-West Palm etc.) to attend:

We are not coordinating with the campaign - but this is a great way to get trained in the ways of Obama and do critical Jewish outreach in Florida (door-knocking, phone banks, etc.).

So whether or not you have Jewish relatives in Florida - this is an amazing opportunity to make magic happen.

***Schleppers coming this weekend..stay tuned for Boca party details and more...


Monday, October 6, 2008

A Question for my Readers

Dearest Readers,

Please tell me, what happens when people stop rescuing you?? I mean, when you find yourself in a mess of mainly your own making, and there's no one to ask for help anymore, no one that wants to, no one that can... What do you do then? I could use some answers. I know all the right words to say to myself: I should say, "Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger," I could say, "It's time to grow up," I could say, "Pull yourself out of this," or "Stand on your own two feet." But all those words sounds as hallow to me as they must to you. Nico, we are so not in Kansas anymore...

Sunday, October 5, 2008

Closing the chapter on one hell of a week

I apologize for any typos I haven't caught, but my brain is not functioning efficiently at the moment. Here's evidence:

Detail of the front

Hey there Blogosphere-

I don't know about you all, but I've had the craziest week ever.

Manic Monday, Terrible Tuesday, Weary Wednesday, and So On...

Started work Monday, smashing all my delusions of it being a grand old time...Tuesday I found out my Grandmother died, and decided to miss her funeral. Wednesday I had my second day of work and it was trying....Thursday all I thought about all day was the fact I missed her funeral and felt guilty, guilty, guilty. This was my Catholic guilt, since it was my Irish Catholic Grandma. Although my Jewish guilt did show up to say, "Oy Vey Gevault! How could you do this to your poor mother, shmuckelah??"


The weekend was promising until it wasn't. A fabulous (as always) hair cut @Shampology Salon & Supply (click on name to go to site) by my good friend Danny Dillon, who I'm trying to convince to go on the next season of Shear Genius since he is a hair G*D, car washed and takeout from Macaluso's. It was a wonderful day and evening ,the kind where you feel the excitement of being a teenager again just over life in general and laugh so hard your face hurts the next day. It was perfect - right up until I hydroplaned at 70 on the causeway, accelerating to get over a lane to get on 95N. 3 brain-scrambling BANGs against the guardrails (and my steering wheel) later, and I miraculously regained control of the car, got on 95, and drove home in a complete state of shock.

SO This is Why I Pay Geico Every Month

Thank g*d since I have a lease I have collision, but my deductible is still way high. I called out of work Saturday night because I couldn't think straight, and my head, my neck, my back and all a that was in major agony. I have a lovely bump and bruise trailing down the right side of my face. An example of my scrambled brain - I sat for ten minutes thinking the word "Flywich" in my head yesterday wondering why it didn't sound right... Then I realized it wasn't right because the word I was looking for was "Sandwich"... And then today I was sitting in the passenger seat of a car and looking at some stains on the speaker, wondering how they got there. Just for the record, I was not in my car at all! Y

Today, my head still hurts like it's being sat on by the elephant man and my body feels worse. My father is freaking out about my facebook page AGAIN. And even I don't have the chutzpah to ask my parents for money for a rental car, especially not after all they have done for me lately... I'll have to take the bus *Shudders* in to work and get a ride home. I showed up at work to make sure I have a job. It appears I still do, so I am greatful for that.

Finding the Positive

Now I'm finding all the things to be thankful for, all the things that didn't happen. I could have had a terrible evening instead of a great one and then crashed my car. I could have hit someone, killed someone, or caused a 5 car pile-up. I could have gone straight into the bay, flipped my car, been disfigured, lost a limb, or died. *Shudders again*... Okay, maybe the losing the limb thing would probably only happen if I was on a motorcycle, which I would never, ever do, especially not at night in the rain on a causeway.. Grow up in a family of personal injury lawyers and see those "Exhibit A" photos and you won't ever want to go on one either.

Anyway, I am thankful for cheeseburger sliders, french fries, and new "Desperate Housewives" on tonight. I am thankful for not being one anymore.....I am thankful for a new "Brothers and Sisters", and "Entourage" (LOVE Adrian Grenier)
...And tomorrow is Monday which means "Gossip Girl," the very best junk food for my soul ever!!

I am thankful that I never sleep alone, but with Lucky curled up at my feet and Nico cuddled into my stomach. I am thankful that I never, ever have to be at work by 9. I am thankful for bubble baths, good conversation, new friends, swimming pools, and quiet neighborhoods...I am thankful for shoes that haven't been chewed by a puppy......And most of all, for friends and family who stick by you when shit gets complicated...

"BohoPoetGirl: This Shit Actually is Complicated" I think would blow away Denise Richards, Brooke Knows Best, and the Two Corey combined. Actually, The Lucky and Nico Show is far more entertaining than either of those awful masturbatory "shows"..

I'm thankful for Juicy Couture Velour sweats....and tank tops from Banana Republic....Matzoh Ball Soup, an entire afternoon spent in the kitchen and chocolate chip bagels with full fat cream cheese. With Yom Kippur coming up in a few days G*d knows I have plenty to atone for. I wish you all a wonderful Sunday night. And welcome to the blogroll, White Dade.

Saturday, September 27, 2008

Hello Friends!

It's been quite the eventful month over here in Bohopoetland.. Irony has reigned supreme since I last signed off, and while some of you may know some of the details, most of you must not hold your breath, as these things that are going on are deeply personal. I can only ask you all to please keep me in your thoughts as I go through some major changes. I promised to come back a few days ago, but despite the fact that I watched the Greys Anatomy 2 hour season premiere and it was fantastic, the spell of it has somehow broken... Watching was not the escape from the boredom of life as it used to be.... As I step back into being a productive member of society and out of my guilded cage I am forced to admit that real life is far more interesting than the medical case of the week and whether or not Meredith finally has Derek move in with her.... These are just characters, characters on tv that are not my friends, and that I do not know beyond the glare of the plasma... I will never stop watching Greys, and I highly doubt I will ever stop loving the DVR with a passion... But however, there's something going on outside my windows now, and while I suspect it has always been there, it's call resonates so much more strongly through me now, more than ever....

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Season Finale: A Photo Essay ( With Captions!)

I have just arrived home from my 2 week trip to Connecticut and Mass. The weather was amazing and spending time with my family and very best friends is always priceless. I only have one thing to say about the wedding : OVER!

Without further digression;

Lydia of EllipsisAmpersandAsterisk
with her adorable Eski-Poo, Audrey. Lydia, who I've been friends with since I was 15, showed me what's going on in the Hartford, CT scene on more than one night but the best part of it all was afterhours at her apt with wine, Audrey Hepburn on the TV,little Audrey on the couch, and Andy Capp's Hot Fries.

The beautiful Hermione, the kitten my mother bought me when I graduated college who tried to blind Reigna on multiple occasions after I moved in with Richy. She now lives a happy and dog-free life with my sister in Newington, CT.

My sisters bachelorette party which I threw at her house.

The mural Richy painted back in 2003 at our old friend Jack's club the Enchanted Garden, at 88 Pratt St in Hartford. The club has changed owners and names many times since then but this huge airbrushed portrait of Dali remains.

West Beach, Westbrook, CT. I have lived in many states and towns in the last five years, but this one place I have lived every summer of my life. My mother now lives here full time. I took a drive the morning after the bachelorette to do some thinking, and got a few beautiful shots of this quaint beach town.

The view from the car of the houses lining the beach road.

The town beach from the huge concrete and stone jetty.

The view off the other side of the jetty.

On a clear day, you can see...... Long Island.

The jetty itself, from the middle.

The friendly staff at the Penny Lane Pub in Old Saybrook, CT. I escaped the family on a Sunday afternoon for Nachos and Pinot Noir. I also had my rehearsal dinner here back on May 4, 2006.
I had a fabulous time with my family, but they own half the street in Westbrook that my mom's house is on and cousins and their children were overflowing out of my Grandma's turned Aunt's house and I needed some ME time.

Bohopoetgirl, you're not in South Beach anymore: Connecticut's take on sky advertising.

My cousin's daughter Bel, who my whole family is obsessed with saying is a Mini Me. I don't know if the world is ready for that!

A day at the beach.

The view from my smoking spot. Also, Extreme Home Makeover: Lynne Ave Edition.

The view from my aunt's new rooftop deck

My very favorite beer, Magic Hat #9, crafted in Burlington, VT, and sold no closer to South Fla than Savannah, GA

Connecticut Postcards

Magic Hat's Summer Variety Show, including Summer 08 (a delicious malty nut brown ale,)Hocus Pocus, a light citrus infused take of number #9, Circus Boy, a hefeweizen that tastes delicious with an orange wedge, and of course, the award winning apricot infused #9. A must have for any New England summer cookout ( we don't BBQ in CT, btw... We cook out)

Bridget, who has been around since I was 14.. and has lived to tell the tale! Bridget used to sneak out my basement window every time I did... Only she would get me caught running around my mom's comforter with dirty paws!

This is what Bridget enjoys doing with my hair elastics... 13 years and it still cracks me up every time I find one in her food bowl.. I mean, why the food bowl Bridge? why?

This is Lily, Hermione's "big boned" sister. Lily has a boyfriend, a grey stray chubby chaser we named Billy Joel ( he's looking for an uptown girl). When he sprayed the door, Lily somehow snuck out about ten times in an hour... Ohh young love..

The cute and well behaved Rotty, Madeleine. She lives in a Miami comes to Hartford upscale loft in an old tire factory called the Design Space. Maddie belongs to my good friend Shana, the owner of Mariel The Shoe Bar. You should see her personal collection of shoes! Shana has always had amazing fashion sense, even when we were 11. I can't go in her store without buying a pair, and now she has 2 stores! Don't worry, So Fla, according to Shana (her nickname), we should be able to buy online soon! Click HERE to go to her website.

And her super cool logo

Sauce for 14... Made with all fresh tomatoes from my aunt's garden. Not a drop remained, even though 4 of the 14 were children!

The B.O.A.T Sandwich at Saybrook Point Inn and Spa (Thick cut locally cured Bacon, Kalamata Olive Tapenade, Arugula and Heirloom Tomatoes, on charred peasant bread. My sister and I got Mani Pedi's here the day before her wedding, and I got married here myself May 5, 2006. Since I hadn't been here since, I came up here for my own personal moment one night days before to ensure that I didn't say a word about my own wedding when we were there.

Look Mom! No Make-up! The limo ride to the wedding. Bridesmaid on my left, my littlest sis and youtube phenom/blogger extraordinaire Lianna J on my right.(click on her name to go to her blog)

Attack of Bridezilla!!!!

My hair for the wedding, which was required to be professionally done and up and was not allowed to have anything in it but a few overpriced pearl screws. I had my hairdesser make a headband out of my own hair and screwed the pearls in it. I got my inspiration from pic from an upcoming epi of Gossip Girl, on Serena, natch.

I'd already photographed every other pet I saw on my trip, so I saw no reason to leave little Abby, my bff Jessica's grey cat out of the essay. This is her window.

And Sampson, who, like a true Siamese, never quits his bitching but I love him anyway.

The Agility Champion of SNEAK (Southern New England Agility something) whose eagerness to please, dedication of his owner (Jessica), and little, little legs have won him numerous trophies and ribbons.

Jessica holds a ten week old Yorkie puppy at our cookout: His name is Mickey, and he is so fine....

And finally, full moon over Worcestor, MA... AKA Midnight the cat at Midnight...

But there's nothing like coming home to your very own babies!