Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Why My Gay Friends Rock

This post is entirely inspired by White Dade. If you haven't read his blog yet, it's a must.

1. They don't hate me because of my tits, nor do they stare at them longingly when they think I'm not looking.

2. No one is ever going to accuse me of using them for anything.

3. They never judge you when you tell them about your sordid nights.

4. When they tell you look hot, girlfriend, they actually mean it.

5. They pretend to be straight for you when strange old men come up behind you at bars and try to grind with you.

6. They pick you up and take you to job interviews and it's not because of the possibility of getting laid, ever, unless it's by your hairdresser.

7. They have the best pot.

8. They tell you that you're hot enough to fuck even as a gay men ( Hansel I heart your forever for that one)

9. They never, ever, cockblock. If anything they cock-encourage.

10. They pick you up at 9 pm on a Tuesday because you are lonely and have no car and they can hear "The Real Housewives of Atlanta" in the background on the phone and it makes them incredibly nervous.

11. They destroyed that dirty video you made with them in the eighth grade because it didn't do anything for them. Even if their Dad still refers to you as "the dancer".

12. They can tell you "this shoe or that shoe" and you know it's not jealous sabatoge.

13. You've been borrowing clothes from them forever... why stop now?

14. They still pay when you go out with them.

15. They have amazing coffee table books; most notably The Big Penis Book... An absolute MUST SEE!

16. They like the same music. Fine I'll admit it. They like better music.

17. Eighties music doesn't make them run screaming.

18. They are much better huggers than women OR straight men you aren't interested in sleeping with.

19. You know when you're on the brink of a serious "I am invincible" spinout you can go out with them to a gay club and while you might get so drunk you urinate in your true religions and have to get driven home, sodden, by lesbians after losing them and falling on the dance floor fifty times, that at least you'll wake up not pregnant or with a disease.... at least pregnancy can always be gotten rid of... the herp is forever....and they will be there when you arrive shamefacedly to collect your car from valet the next morning and even invite you to the beach...

20. EYE CANDY.. there are a lot of hot gay men around here ladies.... and they don't mind if you look...

21. You can run around with your twins free as birds all day on their block of the beach and nobody will care except your clothes, who will appreciate your glorious lack of tan lines.

22. They always call when they say they will.

23. They always show up when they say they will.

24. They can appreciate the Adonis-like good looks of Jensen Ackles.
25. Because they swear the wallpaper on their IPhone is a picture of you and them, and not a picture of Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon.

26. Because they are at the door right now, all the way from Brickell.