Saturday, October 18, 2008

What's Wrong With This Picture?

According to Yahoo News the most important news of the day is The Sun in England reporting that Madonna and Guy Ritchie have reached an agreement in their divorce settlement.

I would rather marvel over the fact that Madonna has had so much plastic surgery, she is starting to look like the lovechild of Micheal Jackson and Beyonce....

Quotes of The Day

Be Warned in Time, James,
and remain, as I do,
incomprehensible: to be
great is to be misunderstood.

- Oscar Wilde

A room without books is like a
body without a soul.

- unknown

Friday, October 17, 2008

Quote of the Day

I don't know a soul who's not been battered
Don't have a friend who feels at ease
Don't know a dream that's not been shattered
Or Driven to its knees

-Paul Simon

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Hey, Hey, It's GreysDay!!! And a guide to Message Board Speak

Waiting to see what my message board (MB) buddies have to say about tonight's Greys Episode. I might live blog it, I might go to a meeting instead... but the site is taking forever to load. I'm thinking I might check Television Without Pity (AKA TWOP in MB speak) to see what those girls have to say as well, since those boards are vigilant about going OT (Off-topic).

There used to be this awful troll (from wikipedia:"A troll is a user that repeatedly and intentionally breaches netiquette, often posting derogatory or otherwise inflammatory messages about sensitive topics in an established online community to bait users into responding, often starting flame wars" on there called PinkBallerina, and her and her kind kindof soured me on the MB's for a while.

Basic Forum Rules as Found on Wikipedia, with my input after each:

* No swearing or otherwise vulgar language
- Meredith is an ugly cunt, not going to fly she is just ugly and annoying... that is OK....I wish we got to see Derek's Penis is not cool, instead say you wish you got to see Derek full-frontal ( and he was in some soft core porn with Lisa Bonet for those hardcore Dr. Shepherd shippers.)

* No insulting or harassing fellow members

- Do I need to explain this, bitches??

* No advertising or spam

-There used to be this chick who came on the MB's all the time and all she would ever post was, hey, come check out my SUUUUUPER-COOL Greys site!!!! Here's the link!!! That's what that is. I think I may have harassed and insulted her swearing and using vulgar language. My bad. Especially since I myself have blogged about Greys and the MB and gone on to say come check out my blog, I wrote about you! And I might even do it again, but at least I know I'm doing wrong.

* No double posting
- Double posting is DUH. Don't do it, and edit it out if you do by mistake b/c the page is slow to load and you are impatient with your clicky finger.

* No multiple accounts
- Old Stinky Pinky, as I liked to call her, had many many names that were usually something disturbing since she was a grown woman, like ILIKELITTLEBOUYS or BarbiesRGreat. My favorite ever was "IMNOTPINKB" There were many threads where the school age children of the thread compared the personal details she would leak out in different names over time in different threads to prove it was her and she still would never cop.... Like these five users all live at their parents with five cats and don't drive. OK. Usually trolls will give themselves away because their incindiary accusations and awful grammar often remain the same.

* No links or information on warez or copyright infringing material
- I had to look up Warez on Wiki too, "it refers primarily to copyrighted works traded in violation of copyright law. The term generally refers to illegal releases by organized groups, as opposed to peer-to-peer file sharing between friends or large groups of people with similar interest using a darknet." ( OK, now have to look up Darknet: "a closed private network of computers used primarily for file sharing.")

* Do not resurrect dead threads
- NUBES ( Newbies to the MBs) do this all the time by mistake. They don't realize when there are too many pages to a given thread(topic)the posters there have started a new one so that people don't have to scroll through 45 pages to find what people are saying now. By resurrecting a dead thread you will confuse many people and generally mess up the order of things on the MB. Speculation and Discussion group ( where I went after the Great Spoiler Thread Split of 2007) has hundreds of threads to our name. When the board is hopping ( like it probably is now, since it's only 2 hours to McDreamy AND McSteamy and all those fabulous one liners) you won't notice if you were posting on thread 557 or 558 and if some nube messes things up you could be posting all by yourself in a totally different land. We call that Lost SeriouslyJan always has this happen to her. We say Jan is "Lost in the old thread again" and send someone to go find her.

I clicked off the other tab where I was waiting for the board to load in my Wiki-Zeal. OMG there is Jan now on Windows Live Messenger - I'm going to go see what she has to input into this post. Oh Jan got kicked off. That happens to her a lot too. The MB finally loaded and I have been off it so long I don't even remember who it was they called "McBadAss" in still pics for episode 5.06. Is that even tonight? Or are these girls, as always, famously ahead of themselves? I used to know everything that was going to happen on Greys before it did, and had usually watched the best bits of the epi (episode) in clips. I mean, what happens on Greys might be brain surgery, but figuring out what is going to happen on Greys? Not so much. Especially since we all paid in for Sides which are released bits of epi that are one time characters that need to be auditioned for, so these people that don't get the role or interns have access to these scenes and sell them to the people who just can't get enough. Names are always changed for the recurring characters, but like I said before, it's no Neurosurgery... Or even Cardio-Thorassic. Because it's an MB, the girls had to start a second site to talk about the sides because ABC is so not cool with that... In fact I think it's a bit illegal. (It wasn't me- I don't even have access to that site anymore, I swear~!)

here is a link to the general board on the ABC MB HERE

The last post is supposedly today, 11:10 pm. HUH? I don't know what time zones those weirdos are operating in at all, but it's about time to get ready for this meeting. BBL McReaders!!

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Why My Gay Friends Rock

This post is entirely inspired by White Dade. If you haven't read his blog yet, it's a must.

1. They don't hate me because of my tits, nor do they stare at them longingly when they think I'm not looking.

2. No one is ever going to accuse me of using them for anything.

3. They never judge you when you tell them about your sordid nights.

4. When they tell you look hot, girlfriend, they actually mean it.

5. They pretend to be straight for you when strange old men come up behind you at bars and try to grind with you.

6. They pick you up and take you to job interviews and it's not because of the possibility of getting laid, ever, unless it's by your hairdresser.

7. They have the best pot.

8. They tell you that you're hot enough to fuck even as a gay men ( Hansel I heart your forever for that one)

9. They never, ever, cockblock. If anything they cock-encourage.

10. They pick you up at 9 pm on a Tuesday because you are lonely and have no car and they can hear "The Real Housewives of Atlanta" in the background on the phone and it makes them incredibly nervous.

11. They destroyed that dirty video you made with them in the eighth grade because it didn't do anything for them. Even if their Dad still refers to you as "the dancer".

12. They can tell you "this shoe or that shoe" and you know it's not jealous sabatoge.

13. You've been borrowing clothes from them forever... why stop now?

14. They still pay when you go out with them.

15. They have amazing coffee table books; most notably The Big Penis Book... An absolute MUST SEE!

16. They like the same music. Fine I'll admit it. They like better music.

17. Eighties music doesn't make them run screaming.

18. They are much better huggers than women OR straight men you aren't interested in sleeping with.

19. You know when you're on the brink of a serious "I am invincible" spinout you can go out with them to a gay club and while you might get so drunk you urinate in your true religions and have to get driven home, sodden, by lesbians after losing them and falling on the dance floor fifty times, that at least you'll wake up not pregnant or with a disease.... at least pregnancy can always be gotten rid of... the herp is forever....and they will be there when you arrive shamefacedly to collect your car from valet the next morning and even invite you to the beach...

20. EYE CANDY.. there are a lot of hot gay men around here ladies.... and they don't mind if you look...

21. You can run around with your twins free as birds all day on their block of the beach and nobody will care except your clothes, who will appreciate your glorious lack of tan lines.

22. They always call when they say they will.

23. They always show up when they say they will.

24. They can appreciate the Adonis-like good looks of Jensen Ackles.
25. Because they swear the wallpaper on their IPhone is a picture of you and them, and not a picture of Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon.

26. Because they are at the door right now, all the way from Brickell.

Something I've Never Done Before

Is post lyrics to a song I didn't rewrite, but the actual lyrics of the artist. This song was my anthem during some dark times a year ago and it is my theme song again during the current situation... And so I post.

"Keep Breathing" By Ingrid Michaelson

The storm is coming but I don't mind.
People are dying, I close my blinds.

All that i know is I'm breathing now.

I want to change the world...instead I sleep.
I want to believe in more than you and me.

But all that I know is I'm breathing.
All i can do is keep breathing.
All we can do is keep breathing now.

All that I know is I'm breathing.
All I can do is keep breathing.
All we can do is keep breathing now.

All we can do is keep breathing
All we can do is keep breathing
All we can do is keep breathing
All we can do is keep breathing.
All we can do is keep breathing now.

I've Always Depended on the Kindness of Strangers

Rather than wait around for Hidden City to get out of work to drive me to publix, I walked. I walked to the library, returned Kitchen Confidential and checked out the incredibly apropros How Did I Get Here? by Barbara De Angelis. Then I walked to the bank to deposit a check so I can pay my electric bill before they shut me off. Of course I was 1 minute late so I had to deposit it in the ATM and wait till tomorrow to get the cash out to pay it but FPL is still powering things for now. Then I walked all the way to 90th and Biscayne to go to Publix. I live very close to Barry University to give you an approximation of distance. I got dog food and the ingredients to make chicken marsala, stuffed most of it in my Herve Chapelier bag I normally reserve for days on the beach, and slung a plastic publix bag over my shoulder as I began the trek home. I was at 103rd and 6th avenue when I felt like I must just sit and rest. But I kept walking. This isn't the gym, and I wasn't on a treadmill. This was life and I needed to get the fuck home and feed my dogs. I kept walking. Then, even though the end was roughly in sight, about 7 more blocks or so, the plastic bag was ripping something awful into my arm, sweat was rolling down my cleavage, and my tits kept trying to bounce themselves free of my bra and my hindsight-is-20/20-a-little-too-low-cut-for-walking-far shirt. They were pulling the same game on the way there but at least then I had hands to tuck them back in. A car pulled up next to me with an elderly woman inside. She had a strong accent that strangely enough was not Latin, but something like Polish or Russian, something that comforted me. She asked me if I needed a ride. I greatfully accepted. Violet lives right around the corner from where she picked me up, but said this to me that still gives me the chills remembering. "I see you and I am reminded of my friend. I don't know why but you just like her. I think if my friend walking with groceries and I think I must help."

Violet, thank you. You will never know how much that small act of kindness meant to me. I encourage you all to try being kind to strangers. The pureness of the act creates some sort of tap into the universal energy source for both giver and recipient. In unenlightened terms, it's a win-win....

My Blogger, Myself

I finally let myself cry. And it felt better than a xanax, than a bottle of wine, than getting off (ok,that's pushing it)...I let myself cry for five minutes and in that five minutes I realized that I'm never going to be on the streets, and I'm not going to die. And now I have decided to walk the 15 blocks to the bank and maybe the ten blocks further from there to publix. We will see how this little experiment turns out. I still cannot digest the idea of the bus. Five minutes of release is not going to take care of that just yet. And I do have things to look forward to. Like life. And there will be sunshine in bohopoetland again. And maybe, just maybe it will be better than it ever was before.

All By Myself, Part Two

Which brings us to Jesse. Jesse was the first guy I could ever talk to about poetry. He was an incredibly gifted poet, and while I would spout my dreams of being the next Maya Angelou, he wanted nothing more than to teach the literature he loved so much. I learned so much from him, but as the school year came to a close, we had the whole, where is this whole thing going anyway? talk and that was that with that. I moved home for the summer and few weeks found my friend Tim and I drunk and on xanax and in my bed. That lasted ten months, despite the fact he went to college in Baltimore, and despite the fact that because he was friends with Greg, he was constantly paranoid I would cheat on him. Ironically enough, I never did.

I dumped Tim in the spring and became so out of control it soon became imperative I get a boyfriend. This was the time period where I lost track of my "Number" and I still to this day am not quite sure what it is. Soon I found one, two actually; Cocaine and Colin. This lasted until one very nasty spring weekend senior year. The assholes at the college newspaper still have it in their online archives, and if you know my maiden name, I'm sure you've already read it.

I managed to get rid of Colin. But not my other lover. At this point it makes sense to mention that once when I was in Baltimore visiting Tim, a psychic on the street grabbed my hand and said, "This guy is not your soulmate, you will meet your soulmate in two years. This would be the March after I graduated college. I was still not quite done with my other lover and my life was pretty much unmanageable....The few months before I met Richy I wandered around like that duck in the childrens book... 'Are you my soulmate?"

Then I met Richy. He rescued me from everything....but I never really learned my lesson.

Which brings us to the now. The now that is too painful, too fresh, and too risky to discuss on the innnernets....

I end this post the way I began it. Alone, full of fear and anxiety. But as it was written in The Way of the Peaceful Warrior "We are here and it is now. Beyond that, all human knowledge is moonshine."

Shine on my darling readers. Thanks for being here, reinforcing the fact that my writing is the one thing no one can ever take away from me, and that no Lexus, Louis Bag, or $600 dinner could ever take the place of.

Still, Blue Moon Over My Mothers House just doesn't have the same ring to it.

Stop the World! I Want to Get Off!!!!

So, I'm going out of my mind. But the bitch keeps finding me. No car, no income, no husband, and I just ran out of dog food. The thought of taking the bus to publix fills my Gucci and Barton G's accustomed little heart with an anxiety so deep there is absolutely no where for it to go. Perhaps I'll start pacing around the pool again. That was a fun few hours yesterday. Or perhaps I'll continue to work on my sordid personal history....At least one thing is still free... And the jets in the pool are working just fine....