Tuesday, October 14, 2008

All By Myself, Part Two

Which brings us to Jesse. Jesse was the first guy I could ever talk to about poetry. He was an incredibly gifted poet, and while I would spout my dreams of being the next Maya Angelou, he wanted nothing more than to teach the literature he loved so much. I learned so much from him, but as the school year came to a close, we had the whole, where is this whole thing going anyway? talk and that was that with that. I moved home for the summer and few weeks found my friend Tim and I drunk and on xanax and in my bed. That lasted ten months, despite the fact he went to college in Baltimore, and despite the fact that because he was friends with Greg, he was constantly paranoid I would cheat on him. Ironically enough, I never did.

I dumped Tim in the spring and became so out of control it soon became imperative I get a boyfriend. This was the time period where I lost track of my "Number" and I still to this day am not quite sure what it is. Soon I found one, two actually; Cocaine and Colin. This lasted until one very nasty spring weekend senior year. The assholes at the college newspaper still have it in their online archives, and if you know my maiden name, I'm sure you've already read it.

I managed to get rid of Colin. But not my other lover. At this point it makes sense to mention that once when I was in Baltimore visiting Tim, a psychic on the street grabbed my hand and said, "This guy is not your soulmate, you will meet your soulmate in two years. This would be the March after I graduated college. I was still not quite done with my other lover and my life was pretty much unmanageable....The few months before I met Richy I wandered around like that duck in the childrens book... 'Are you my soulmate?"

Then I met Richy. He rescued me from everything....but I never really learned my lesson.

Which brings us to the now. The now that is too painful, too fresh, and too risky to discuss on the innnernets....

I end this post the way I began it. Alone, full of fear and anxiety. But as it was written in The Way of the Peaceful Warrior "We are here and it is now. Beyond that, all human knowledge is moonshine."

Shine on my darling readers. Thanks for being here, reinforcing the fact that my writing is the one thing no one can ever take away from me, and that no Lexus, Louis Bag, or $600 dinner could ever take the place of.

Still, Blue Moon Over My Mothers House just doesn't have the same ring to it.