My Blogger, Myself

I finally let myself cry. And it felt better than a xanax, than a bottle of wine, than getting off (ok,that's pushing it)...I let myself cry for five minutes and in that five minutes I realized that I'm never going to be on the streets, and I'm not going to die. And now I have decided to walk the 15 blocks to the bank and maybe the ten blocks further from there to publix. We will see how this little experiment turns out. I still cannot digest the idea of the bus. Five minutes of release is not going to take care of that just yet. And I do have things to look forward to. Like life. And there will be sunshine in bohopoetland again. And maybe, just maybe it will be better than it ever was before.

All By Myself, Part Two

Which brings us to Jesse. Jesse was the first guy I could ever talk to about poetry. He was an incredibly gifted poet, and while I would spout my dreams of being the next Maya Angelou, he wanted nothing more than to teach the literature he loved so much. I learned so much from him, but as the school year came to a close, we had the whole, where is this whole thing going anyway? talk and that was that with that. I moved home for the summer and few weeks found my friend Tim and I drunk and on xanax and in my bed. That lasted ten months, despite the fact he went to college in Baltimore, and despite the fact that because he was friends with Greg, he was constantly paranoid I would cheat on him. Ironically enough, I never did.

I dumped Tim in the spring and became so out of control it soon became imperative I get a boyfriend. This was the time period where I lost track of my "Number" and I still to this day am not quite sure what it is. Soon I found one, two actually; Cocaine and Colin. This lasted until one very nasty spring weekend senior year. The assholes at the college newspaper still have it in their online archives, and if you know my maiden name, I'm sure you've already read it.


I managed to get rid of Colin. But not my other lover. At this point it makes sense to mention that once when I was in Baltimore visiting Tim, a psychic on the street grabbed my hand and said, "This guy is not your soulmate, you will meet your soulmate in two years. This would be the March after I graduated college. I was still not quite done with my other lover and my life was pretty much unmanageable....The few months before I met Richy I wandered around like that duck in the childrens book... 'Are you my soulmate?"

Then I met Richy. He rescued me from everything....but I never really learned my lesson.

Which brings us to the now. The now that is too painful, too fresh, and too risky to discuss on the innnernets....

I end this post the way I began it. Alone, full of fear and anxiety. But as it was written in The Way of the Peaceful Warrior "We are here and it is now. Beyond that, all human knowledge is moonshine."


Shine on my darling readers. Thanks for being here, reinforcing the fact that my writing is the one thing no one can ever take away from me, and that no Lexus, Louis Bag, or $600 dinner could ever take the place of.

Still, Blue Moon Over My Mothers House just doesn't have the same ring to it.

Stop the World! I Want to Get Off!!!!

So, I'm going out of my mind. But the bitch keeps finding me. No car, no income, no husband, and I just ran out of dog food. The thought of taking the bus to publix fills my Gucci and Barton G's accustomed little heart with an anxiety so deep there is absolutely no where for it to go. Perhaps I'll start pacing around the pool again. That was a fun few hours yesterday. Or perhaps I'll continue to work on my sordid personal history....At least one thing is still free... And the jets in the pool are working just fine....

The Great Schlep

Hello Miami Obama Voting Jews!!!


Read this email from The Great Schlep and then join us this weekend!!!!

Hello Schleppers,

It's not too late to book your flight, bus, or carpool to Florida!

Many of you have told us you want to go to Florida but you do not have relatives there...Well we just found a perfect opportunity for everyone (with and without relatives in Florida)...

The Obama campaign is having their own Jewish outreach training this Friday (10.10) in Delray Beach. Schleppers and non-Schleppers are invited. Tell you friends and family in Florida (Miami-to-West Palm etc.) to attend:

http://my.barackobama.com/page/event/detail/gshwrb

We are not coordinating with the campaign - but this is a great way to get trained in the ways of Obama and do critical Jewish outreach in Florida (door-knocking, phone banks, etc.).

So whether or not you have Jewish relatives in Florida - this is an amazing opportunity to make magic happen.

***Schleppers coming this weekend..stay tuned for Boca party details and more...

Questions: Sara@jewsvote.org

A Question for my Readers

Dearest Readers,

Please tell me, what happens when people stop rescuing you?? I mean, when you find yourself in a mess of mainly your own making, and there's no one to ask for help anymore, no one that wants to, no one that can... What do you do then? I could use some answers. I know all the right words to say to myself: I should say, "Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger," I could say, "It's time to grow up," I could say, "Pull yourself out of this," or "Stand on your own two feet." But all those words sounds as hallow to me as they must to you. Nico, we are so not in Kansas anymore...

Closing the chapter on one hell of a week

I apologize for any typos I haven't caught, but my brain is not functioning efficiently at the moment. Here's evidence:


Detail of the front


Hey there Blogosphere-

I don't know about you all, but I've had the craziest week ever.

Manic Monday, Terrible Tuesday, Weary Wednesday, and So On...

Started work Monday, smashing all my delusions of it being a grand old time...Tuesday I found out my Grandmother died, and decided to miss her funeral. Wednesday I had my second day of work and it was trying....Thursday all I thought about all day was the fact I missed her funeral and felt guilty, guilty, guilty. This was my Catholic guilt, since it was my Irish Catholic Grandma. Although my Jewish guilt did show up to say, "Oy Vey Gevault! How could you do this to your poor mother, shmuckelah??"

Weekend

The weekend was promising until it wasn't. A fabulous (as always) hair cut @Shampology Salon & Supply (click on name to go to site) by my good friend Danny Dillon, who I'm trying to convince to go on the next season of Shear Genius since he is a hair G*D, car washed and takeout from Macaluso's. It was a wonderful day and evening ,the kind where you feel the excitement of being a teenager again just over life in general and laugh so hard your face hurts the next day. It was perfect - right up until I hydroplaned at 70 on the causeway, accelerating to get over a lane to get on 95N. 3 brain-scrambling BANGs against the guardrails (and my steering wheel) later, and I miraculously regained control of the car, got on 95, and drove home in a complete state of shock.

SO This is Why I Pay Geico Every Month

Thank g*d since I have a lease I have collision, but my deductible is still way high. I called out of work Saturday night because I couldn't think straight, and my head, my neck, my back and all a that was in major agony. I have a lovely bump and bruise trailing down the right side of my face. An example of my scrambled brain - I sat for ten minutes thinking the word "Flywich" in my head yesterday wondering why it didn't sound right... Then I realized it wasn't right because the word I was looking for was "Sandwich"... And then today I was sitting in the passenger seat of a car and looking at some stains on the speaker, wondering how they got there. Just for the record, I was not in my car at all! Y

Today, my head still hurts like it's being sat on by the elephant man and my body feels worse. My father is freaking out about my facebook page AGAIN. And even I don't have the chutzpah to ask my parents for money for a rental car, especially not after all they have done for me lately... I'll have to take the bus *Shudders* in to work and get a ride home. I showed up at work to make sure I have a job. It appears I still do, so I am greatful for that.



Finding the Positive

Now I'm finding all the things to be thankful for, all the things that didn't happen. I could have had a terrible evening instead of a great one and then crashed my car. I could have hit someone, killed someone, or caused a 5 car pile-up. I could have gone straight into the bay, flipped my car, been disfigured, lost a limb, or died. *Shudders again*... Okay, maybe the losing the limb thing would probably only happen if I was on a motorcycle, which I would never, ever do, especially not at night in the rain on a causeway.. Grow up in a family of personal injury lawyers and see those "Exhibit A" photos and you won't ever want to go on one either.

Anyway, I am thankful for cheeseburger sliders, french fries, and new "Desperate Housewives" on tonight. I am thankful for not being one anymore.....I am thankful for a new "Brothers and Sisters", and "Entourage" (LOVE Adrian Grenier)
...And tomorrow is Monday which means "Gossip Girl," the very best junk food for my soul ever!!

I am thankful that I never sleep alone, but with Lucky curled up at my feet and Nico cuddled into my stomach. I am thankful that I never, ever have to be at work by 9. I am thankful for bubble baths, good conversation, new friends, swimming pools, and quiet neighborhoods...I am thankful for shoes that haven't been chewed by a puppy......And most of all, for friends and family who stick by you when shit gets complicated...

"BohoPoetGirl: This Shit Actually is Complicated" I think would blow away Denise Richards, Brooke Knows Best, and the Two Corey combined. Actually, The Lucky and Nico Show is far more entertaining than either of those awful masturbatory "shows"..

I'm thankful for Juicy Couture Velour sweats....and tank tops from Banana Republic....Matzoh Ball Soup, an entire afternoon spent in the kitchen and chocolate chip bagels with full fat cream cheese. With Yom Kippur coming up in a few days G*d knows I have plenty to atone for. I wish you all a wonderful Sunday night. And welcome to the blogroll, White Dade.

Hello Friends!

It's been quite the eventful month over here in Bohopoetland.. Irony has reigned supreme since I last signed off, and while some of you may know some of the details, most of you must not hold your breath, as these things that are going on are deeply personal. I can only ask you all to please keep me in your thoughts as I go through some major changes. I promised to come back a few days ago, but despite the fact that I watched the Greys Anatomy 2 hour season premiere and it was fantastic, the spell of it has somehow broken... Watching was not the escape from the boredom of life as it used to be.... As I step back into being a productive member of society and out of my guilded cage I am forced to admit that real life is far more interesting than the medical case of the week and whether or not Meredith finally has Derek move in with her.... These are just characters, characters on tv that are not my friends, and that I do not know beyond the glare of the plasma... I will never stop watching Greys, and I highly doubt I will ever stop loving the DVR with a passion... But however, there's something going on outside my windows now, and while I suspect it has always been there, it's call resonates so much more strongly through me now, more than ever....