Break An Unwritten Rule Tuesday

Two weeks ago I created a format for my blog... Different posts for different days of the week, all depending on my desire, motivation, and ability to actually do all of the things required to post said posts....
I think last weeks lack of blogs was a rebellion against the overachieving of my new format. I mean, I have never been an overachiever. Why start now??
As fun as acting like a complete ass at the gym was, today I didn't have that kind of energy, and decided to abandon my Hunter S. Thompson style of journalism for a road much more traveled; the fly on the wall.
I did break a small rule however, one that went largely unnoticed which was seriously fine with me. I was too busy noticing ( and being annoyed) by others' flagrant unwritten rule breaking.

Unwritten Rule #2

Thou Shalt Not Wear a Shirt that says "Everyone Loves A Jewish Girl" to a gym in Miami Gardens.


The first unwritten rule breaker that caught my eye was the gentleman hanging out in front of the thigh machines that force users to open and close their thighs very widely, leaving their most precious areas wide open... Now, everyone thinks naughty things regarding these machines, at least, I assume they do, but to actually say something? How gauche! I didn't hear what he said exactly, but after watching him practically do a Riverdance with laughter and his friends laugh as well, while the girls on the machines exclaimed such scholarly phrases as; "Oh No You Di-nnnt."


Wow. Remind me not to go on that machine while that guy is here! Then I noticed a lady who kept pushing her gum in a vertical bar out of her mouth while she ran on the treadmill... It was like a South Beach Hooker; as gross as it was, I simply could not look away or hide my disgust. I hate gum. Like truly hate, the smell of it makes me nauseaus and I don't understand the need to be constantly showing to other people something that is made to be chewed inside your mouth. This lady had a particularily rabbit like face as well, and if I could wrench my gaze away as fast as I let it drift over there, then in the blur she totally looked like Bugs Bunny. These two were seriously cramping my workout; here it was barely 10 minutes into my cardio workout and I was seriously contemplating getting off and heading straight for the steam room. I had to concentrate on my book, the cheesy but heartwarming You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay, which thankfully got me through the next 15 minutes before I finally headed off to the steamroom after a couple of sets of crunches.


In the steamroom I encountered another rule breaker; a girl listening to blaring hip hop out of her ipod, louder than I thought an ipod could ever go, enough to literally vibrate the cedar benches of the tiny room.... Here I was, trying so hard to relax and detox my body and all I could hear was bass and a lot of loud, harsh sounding words...Not exactly relaxing and detoxifying sounds... That was my exit.

Lesson Learned

Breaking unwritten rules is fun if you're the one breaking them... For everyone else, you're just another annoying South Floridian

Break an Unwritten Rule Day

This blog is beginning to take shape, something which (again) makes me feel like a proud mama. I already have declared Monday, "Concoction Monday" and now I dub Tuesday "Break an Unwritten Rule Tuesday" although the blog is coming to you on a Wednesday morning, I am planning on having it up on time next week, so that I can make Wednesday Weird Song Wednesday, and post one of the many silly songs I have written to other songs.

Back on the Elliptical Again

Yesterday, when gearing up to go to the gym in Miami Gardens for the first time, being that I was going to the LA Fitness in Hollywood when I worked at the Powerboat Club and have not been to any gym since I quit that awful silicone enhanced place in Mid February, I was a little nervous.

And what better way to deal with being nervous than make a complete and total ASS out of myself. So I decided to break an unwritten rule, flagrantly and unabashedly.


Unwritten Rule #1

Thou Shalt Not Act as if You are in an IPod Commercial on a Machine at the Gym!

They playlist needed to be just right to keep me going without blushing or laughing too much... So I started with The Donna's Version of Billy Idol's "Dancing With Myself". It was a perfect start. I started shaking my ass and moving my arms as I pumped the machine, something that was a little tricky, but still easier than dancing after one too many Blue Moon's.... At first it seemed no one was noticing, so I started to really get into it.... Then a young girl looked at me like I was crazy. Very encouraging. I started to do more arm movements and move my hips and legs more vigorously to the music....Lots of shoulder beat keeping was going down...

Dancing With Myself

I started to feel really good, free, reminding me of that episode of Friends where Phoebe is running like a freak in the park and tries to convince Monica to do it with her because "it's so liberating". Yes my friends, it is... The playlist is ESSENTIAL, because it gives you ideas for more idiotic moves than less appropriate music would inspire. Next up, "Do You Love Me" from Dirty Dancing....

Do You Love Me? I Can Really Move.... Do You Love Me? I'm in the Groove... Now That I Can Dance...Watch Me Now!


I can mash potato ( and freak out the guy cleaning the machine)
I can do the twist ( and almost hit the girl on my right and almost fall off...)
Now tell me baby, do you like it like this? ( the guy over there sure does...)

This song really captured the crowd... Some were giving me that unwritten rule breaking look I was doing this for, you know the one where people think they can stop your inappropriate behavior with a withering glance.... I know because I've been one of them!

Don't Cha Wish You Had the Chutzpah to Dance on your Machine??? And, Please don't stop the Dancing....

Back to 2 hip hop tracks, which in Miami Gardens, drew me a lot of mixed reviews... The looks were split between "White girl thinks she can shake her ass, at the gym, of all places.." to "Yo,Look at that white girl shaking it! Are those real?" Umm, Hello People! Implants were inspired by women who, like myself actually *gasp* had nice racks of the all natural persuasion..... All the while, the time and the miles and the calories were flying by.... And I was feeling good... Really freaking good.....




BohoPoetGirls Just Want to Have Fun....

This was all leading up to the big climax in act 3... I had already proven to myself that while some of the looks made me uncomfortable, I was having way too much fun not to keep pushing this social experiment to the next level. A bit of backstory is relevant here. I went to Camp Mataponi in Maine every summer growing up. Those girls were my closest friends in the universe. It's where I got my love of 80's pop. But I digress. Two of my cheerleading best friends and I wrote an entire act-it-out dance skit to this song.. And I decided to act it that dance, as much as memory, the elliptical and it's constant threats to throw my bouncing self off, and my sensibilities ( Seriously, I'm not Britney - I do have some shame)

This needs to go with the lyrics to make sense

I come home in the morning light my mother says when ( shoulder shrugging with elbows bent and hands raising in air to beat) you gonna live your life right....Oh mommy dear (wagging finger) we're not the fortunate ones.... Oh girls just want to have fun....

The phone rings, in the middle of the night, (bend knees and hold hand/phone to ear, while bouncing from right to left....) My father says what you gonna do with your life.. Oh daddy dear you know you're still number one ( shake hips and hold out one finger with other hand on hips and cocked head)

But girls they want to have fun ( during the chorus we actully do si do'd, which I couldn't accomplish on the elliptical without breaking my neck)
chorus here a little head shaking lip syncing and side to side movement worked here

Some boys take a beautiful girl and hide ( hug self and bend knees, lean forward and down, hide, in short) her away from the rest of the world

I want to be the one to walk in the sun ( stand up straight, bounce and put elbows out, hands flat under chin with the fingertips overlapping.......)

Chorus....

This was it, I had reached my ultimate threshhold of embarassment. And to my surprise, when I looked down at the machine, I had been on for almost 3o minutes already.

This is the dance that funk built....

Although I was done with my workout... I had to end with this, my walk out song...


I see you baby... Shaking that ass......

Tune in next week, when I plan to embarass myself in a totally different way... At a restaurant perhaps? the mall? A spa? Comments or emails to bohopoetgirl@gmail.com would be much appreciated. Until then, thanks for reading!