And We're Publishing Poetry, Too!

We just got this email!

Congratulations! AVQ will be publishing Air, Light, and Water in New York City and The Poet at Seventeen in our upcoming issue. Look for it Sunday, December 21st.

A Letter to Publix

Dear Publix,

 

    While I appreciate the concept of the Express Lane, you are failing in execution. If this were Top Chef, I would tell you to pack your knives and go. I commend you for giving the retardos mentally challenged jobs, but I don't understand why you assign your dumber than Sarah Palin slowest employees to the express lane. I'd like to inform you that some people only buy ten essential items b/c they are in a rush. So while you may call it the Express Lane, assigning the retardos handicapable to those 2 lanes, and enforcing the ten items rule as much as the police in Amsterdam enforce the illegalities of certain drugs totally negates your efforts.

That's not all, Publix. I know times are tough but your produce lately has been atrocious. I have come home with garlic that has green shoots inside when chopped, have been unable to buy cut watermelon because it's all watery and mushy, and Vidalia onions that looked fine but when cut into had blue and green mold inside. I have also unwittingly bought sliced bread that had a crescent shaped cut through each and every piece that made it flap and flop around like something the blog Nazis my relatives who shall remain anonymous would call and yell at me if I wrote.

And is it too much to ask that you once in a while put steak on sale that isn't so old it remembers where it was when J.F.K was shot? Also, you should know that your prices are way higher than other grocery store chains, like Big Y, Stop & Shop, and Kroger's to name a few. Maybe you should send a team to do some reconnaissance at those stores.

You really need to enforce the no tipping policy you supposedly have for the baggers that insist on pushing my cart out. I cannot tell you how many times one of your baggers has grabbed my cart and practically ran with it out the door, then gave me a look like my dogs would if I had a pork chop on a string around my neck. I had no problem pushing my cart around the store did I? I don't see anyone running up and grabbing my cart while I am shopping, no matter how full it is. And now I have to tip these people or else they will just stand there with that face and stand behind my car so I can't pull out without hitting them. You've got to raise their hourly wages and/or or stop hiring convicted felons because even if they have to get run over, your rabid baggers are determined to get money out of people no matter how. I mean, I'm running out of places to hide the bodies shop! If I could afford it, I would be at Fresh Markup, but alas, it looks like we are stuck with each other for now.

On a lighter note, I quite enjoy your holiday commercials. They make me cry. But since you suck so much in every other way I wonder if that's because I'm pregnant *shudders* or hopefully just have The PMS. Please look at the envelope for my address in case you realize I totally deserve $$$$ and/or free groceries (including wine and beauty products) for the rest of my life for all the trauma you have caused my fragile soul.

 

Sincerely,

 

BohoPoetGirl

It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Chrismakkuh!

First of all, a good Chrismakkkuh Tree must be fake. Who wants to shlep home a dog piss magnet while scratching their nice car? Oh yeah! That's what my Goy husband is for! This year we, like a bride, have something old, something new, something borrowed and something blue on our Tree. I swear it wasn't planned – excluding the blue!

The tree, like an interfaith wedding I guess, blends traditions from each of our religions.

Santa:
 

Blue Balls: A tribe tradition! Though it would be more fitting if they were broken. Ironically enough, I actually did break a blue ball yesterday, but failed to catch it on camera since I was a bit more concerned about glass in puppy paws.

My husbands letter to Santa:

And lots of ornaments representing things I just can't get enough of. Ever:

My babies like to sit under the tree:

 

And here's what I'll be getting this year for Hannukah:

 

 

I figured out the striky thingy all on my own! Happy Holidays!

BohoPoet Girl Goes Meme While Decorating the Chrismukkah Tree ( More About That Tomorrow)

I have never done a Meme before,but Tere of A Mom, a Blog, and the Life in Between does them all the time so I decide to copy the lastest one and fill it in for tonight's post.

I consider googling it so I can get the exact origin of the phrase. I mean is it because it's about Me Me? Or a Memoir about Me? Me Memories? Off to googlesearch now.
HUH AND WTF?
"The lack of a consistent, rigorous definition of what precisely a meme is remains one of the principal criticisms leveled at memetics, the study of memes."

Then I realize I'm the only one confused, all you innernets probably know exactly what it is. So here goes:

My Ex Was: Not boring.

Maybe I Should: Write more, submit more, dream more, and analyze myself less.

I Don't Understand: A lot of things, but mainly, why I can't quit you!

People Would Say that Im: A free spirit

I lost my: Blue camera I bought to replace the cheaper older black one I had and then found the black one.

Love is: Not always enough.

Somewhere, someone is: Still mad at me.

I will always: Hope.

Forever is: How long it's going to take me to become the writer I want to be.

I never want to: Eat any sort of sea meat.

I think the current president: Is a mega douchebag and has an IQ of -75.

When I wake up in the morning: I feel tired and want more sleep unless I've nowhere to go. Then I'm wide awake.

Life is full of: Liminol moments.

My past is: what got me here.

I get annoyed when: People are slow to drive, speak, forgive, or get going.

Parties are for: "Sharing a drink they call loneliness, but it's better than drinking alone."- Billy Joel

I wish: I was a little bit taller, I wish I was a baller....But seriously, I wish I were spending NY Eve with Anna.

My dogs are: the cutest and weirdest little beings I have ever loved.


My cat is: Now my sisters cat. But we had a hell of a time, her and I.

Kisses are the worst: When the kisser has the breath. Just come smell Lucky "Baby Fish Mouth" Or Nico, Nico, Poopy eater.

Tomorrow I'm going to: mop the floor, read a book by Paulo Coelho, finish my Chrismakkuh decorating, cook, plan my week, finish the laundry, write a blog post, and spend entirely too much time online.

I really want to: Publish more.

I have low tolerance for people: who are Judgy Judgertons.

If I had a million dollars: Oh the places I would go! I'd have a new Louis laptop case in my hand, and Christian Leboutoin shoes, I could steer myself any direction I choose!

Goodnight Mooners!

Personal Service Announcement ( Becca talks about BohoPoetGirl)

It has come to my attention that a lot of people just don't get it, this blogging thing. Or the writing thing - which is odd because I doubt you all thought Good in Bed by Jennifer Weiner was an autobiography, and yet, here I am, finding my back against the wall yet again with claims I'm embarrassing myself. This is not myself. This is a tiny piece of my personality, exaggerated into a fictional character. Reference my blogroll to sex and the beach if you want to make an attempt to understand what I am talking about. Is Maria De Los Angeles Manola Blahblahblahnick? Hell no! Is she a damn good writer who makes me laugh? Hell yes! Does she agree with plenty of what Manola says, sure! But it doesn't make it HER. I'm trying to find the humor in what I see around me. This blogging thing is my living breathing portfolio. If I wrote about things how they actually happened, you would understand that you'd much rather read about BohoPoetGirl. And I'd much rather write about her. What is fact and what is fiction? Exactly the point. I'll never tell. So if you can't take the heat, get the hell out of Blue Moon Over Miami! Now you've been warned. If anyone brings this up EVER again, I will simply reference you again to this blog post. Perhaps copy it into an email. Esta Todo.

And with that, I wish you all a good evening. I might attend Maria streaming live tomorrow night from her new blog, which she did not bring Manola too btw.


You didn't actually think I drained my pool with a saucepot, or at all, did you??


PS

BohoPoetGirl was just nominated for a content award in the humor category for being a "Hilarious blogger" and "Fab Writer." To those of you that get it, know you are who I am writing for, and why I will never stop writing.
Ok.

On my morning walk

Crossing past Barry I literally stumbled into something carved into the sidewalk. I turned around to read it and it said;

"God is real. He love you."

Sounds like G^d needs some grammar lessons, huh?

I'm available.

ThanksGiving for 2 (+3 dogs) Part Two

I am soooooo full! I continued my holiday tradition of making mostly recipes I've never made before. For the innernet recipes, the only change I made was add 4 tbsp 1/2 & 1/2 to the soup, which is incredibly yummy. My mashed potatoes follow:

Becca's Mashed Potatoes

3-4 larges Idaho potatoes
cream cheese
1/2 & 1/2
sour cream
butter
fresh ground pepper blend
tastefully simple's garlic garlic seasoning ( 1 tbsp for 3 lg potatoes) or a few oven roasted cloves.

Peel potatoes and cut into large chunks, then place in half full medium size pot. Let sit a few hours. turn water on high and bring to a boil. Turn down to medium and boil until fork-tender. Drain into colandar, then put back into warm pot. Add 4 tbsp butter, 4 tbsp sour cream, 1 tbsp garlic garlic, 3 splashes 1/2 &1/2 and 3 tbsp cream cheese. Mash with potato masher and then blend with immersion blender or hand mixer or fork until they are as smooth as you want them. Enjoy!

As for the chocolate cream pie, it's the simplest thing in the universe; make some chocolate pudding according to box instructions. Put in fridge to set. Make a graham cracker crust according to graham cracker crumb box instructions. Put in fridge. When you are almost ready to have dessert, mix one container cool whip with the pudding and pour into pie shell. Et Voila!

And here are the pictures to prove it.

Butternut Squash For Soup:


The "roux" for the soup



All Together now and ready to eat after being blended


Green Bean Casserole



Turkey Rolls


I can Mash Potato


And of course, My Big Bad Bloody Mary for Richy:


Start with a cocktail shaker full of ice and add:
3 Oz Grey Goose
2 splashes worcesteshire
2 squirts lemon juice
2 huge green olives
3 drops siracha sauce
2 tsp white horseradish
lots of fresh ground pepper
sea salt to taste
fill with tomato juice.
shake it like a polaroid picture.

Pour into snowman glass, garnish with celery and olives and serve. Pour yourself a glass of red b/c you don't like these drinks, but they make Richy sleepy so you can watch whatever you want onthe big Tv and that is something to be thankful for!

As for the chocolate cream pie. I'm too full and tired....We'll have that tonight as we just had dessert of a very different nature ;)

Here is a picture of Nico post- 1st feast:


And with that, blogger, I'm about five words away from doing a face-plant into my laptop.. Goodnight.